Ryousuke. R

The field

2011-11-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

I guess things have changed. I'm more mature now.
What left are reminiscences of my adolescence which I'll cherish forever.
Big dreams torture a person if he wish to accomplish it so badly.
That's why I'm born that way, but I'll never give up to put a smile on my face one day.

Awake

2011-02-16T02:47:00.000-08:00

It's time for me to awake.
It's not my privilege to dream.

Banner Lost

2011-01-29T01:59:00.000-08:00

If you are reading this, I would like your help!
I have lost my banner a couple of days ago, so I have replaced it with this old one.

If you happen to be my blog regular visitor, please check ur internet temporary file, see whether my banner image is still there or not.
The banner has a name "simpleflower", so please type in and search simpleflower in your internet temporary file. Copy the image file and paste it at somewhere, and then send it to me.

I will be very very grateful if someone can find my old banner back, I'll treat you a good dinner! I forgot to back up the banner, and the hosting image was damaged.

Summer

2010-12-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

Enjoying summer in Malaysia =)

Back

2010-11-20T00:59:00.000-08:00

I'm back, and it's hot.

Going back

2010-11-17T16:42:00.000-08:00

Opps, I'm going back already, that means it's time to change the music in my blog to my theme song. =D

I'll always put this song when I'm going back to Malaysia, back to my own bright room, with a lot of sun light coming in, because of the many windows.

It always has been like this when I'm going back, when I reach Malaysia I'll probably play this song again in piano.

Tomorrow night I'll be sleeping on my sea of bed in Malaysia, maybe I'll grab one of the puppies to sleep with me. ;)

Run

2010-11-17T06:31:00.000-08:00

Why do I always run? I not really sure about that exactly.
Sometimes I feel like I was chasing something, sometimes I feel like I was running away from something.

It's sad emotions that I'm running away from, or things that I don't want to think about. There's a lake over the campus center there, when I see the lake reflection of the moon and night, it clears away everything inside my head and heart.

It's dream and ambition that I'm chasing, or something that I desire but I just couldn't get. The lake is like a mirror, it tells me whether I'm still there yet or not. Even I'm not there yet, it will show the thing that I want or desire to me.

I'm not sure when I'll stop running, probably never.
What am I designed for? Sometimes I feel I'm designed to change, I'm not sure how.

I realised that running has been my habits since I was in Malaysia, I have this habit of speeding with my car, I even speed until my new car broken, which is very rare. I hit the accelerator to full from KL to Alor Star.

I exhausted, I wish I can stop already, but too bad I cant. There's still something I need to achieve.

Inspiration

2010-11-07T02:56:00.000-08:00

My inspiration meter is very full now, I almost can make a song at any moment, I even dreamed of me composing a song.

But I have to wait, it's not time yet.

The past

2010-10-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hah... Thanks for everything... I'm glad to know that it happens to be like what I said... perhaps one day I'll be fading in your memory when you grown up... at least I left something to you, you picked up violin, chinese instruments and piano... Sorry for the pains I caused... I know one day you will be like what I said to you many years ago... =)

Reality

2010-10-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter how you look, it only matters if you can afford this.

It's the thing I'm born to do, I don't need to consider it.
But thanks to this person in the video, he is just a living proof for everyone.

It's not the look that gets you a hot and perfect wife.

Assignment finished

2010-10-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

I spent too much time on my assignment, but glad I've finally finished it.

It's still not the end of the race yet, I'll have to catch up with my study and revise for the coming exam.
Tough, but I have to pull this out.

I have something to say recently, it's too late right now, maybe I'll do it in few days time.
I'm going to sleep first.

Every night I'm hearing windbell... I kinda like it right now...

Last new song for this year

2010-09-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

名：拉风风
曲: R.

As planned, R&B rap songs, I not sure it's still R&B, cause I made it so different. I realised the song I wanted to make is very complex and would take a lot of time for me to complete, so I decided to simply throw in the rough idea I had, and finished it within 2 hours. (this complexity of song would take at least weeks to refine). So sudden ending would be anticipated. And the song is only 2.46 mins, might be the shortest song I've ever made. My advice is listen the whole song, some part is unwanted and is unavoidable because I've no time.

Wont be making song until next year, I finished my this year 2010 "album" I guess.

P.S: not suitable for ppl who cant listen fast song, and music understanding is below maturity

Song

2010-09-16T09:23:00.000-07:00

Will start to make song again.

Finally I got my very own internet (I was sharing with downstairs friends before).
I also upgraded my IBM wireless technology to the latest (supporting N, 150mbps).

And so, my ancient IBM laptop is now back to use.
That means I'm back to music making as well, because I only use my IBM laptop for composition.

I remember that I promised to make R&B rap for my next song, so I guess it will be coming soon.

Windbell

2010-09-15T07:43:00.000-07:00

At night it is quiet, very quiet.

All I can hear is the sound of calm wind, and windbell.

"Ting, Ting..."

I almost feel like Takumi when he was driving AE86, he had that "Ting" sound in his car.

It's tranquilizing in effect...

Nice song

2010-08-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

Damn love the music that is playing right now on my blog,
it's a mixture of 黑人 R&B and nippon kawaii voice, damn awesome!!
I'll be listening it in my Ipod touch non-stop already.
Hope that I can make this kinda song, maybe I can make it already...
If only I know how to make mp3, I'm currently restricted to midi using piano and guitar only. If only I can ultilise more music instruments in my music making...

Memorable

2010-08-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

美丽的回忆

曲: R.

According to my plan, I have to come up with a happy song already now.
I recalled some happy memories, and kinda "charged up" for this song, so I did manage to complete the happy song I wanted.

I was kinda dried up, because to create a happy song, I must first have a happy memory in my head. But things weren't went according to my wishes this lately, and nothing really makes me happy.

Thanks to the person in this picture, I used to pick her up with a motorbike when I was at high school, thought I was very cool then, but after I dropped her in front of my school, I drove myself into drain!! Because that time I turned back to look at her. Damn Lost the coolness tat time, hope I got the chance to redo it right.

She rejuvenated my memories of my high school.
It was such a memorable days, sometimes I would smile myself when I remember it.

Ok, next song will be R&B slow rap. I wont be bother making it now.

Long hair..... should I cut?

The life right now

2010-07-24T06:25:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of things happened this lately, my life is slightly convoluted right now. I'll start to write more about my search for the perfect theory for various thing in life, I have learned quite a few things from different people I've met recently.

And about the layout of my blog, I wonder when I'll have the time to change it.
And if I want to change it, I still have no idea what kind of layout that I want atm.

About music, I have no inspiration this lately, lost my source of inspiration again I guess. I wish I could meet someone that can give me endless of inspiration one day, someone has told me, that I'll meet that person. But I told her back, "you could be that person, but atm I do not desire any gf." She said I'll have that feeling back, I'm not sure she is right.

I wish that I will attain my dream one day, that is to stand on the podium of politic, to make substantial and good change to the people.

I'm back from Sydney

2010-07-11T04:07:00.000-07:00

My future pet, nobody can stop me from getting it!!

Sydney here I come~

2010-07-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm going Sydney tomorrow =)
I only bring little cloth and stuff, but expect to bring more back!
Starting to get excited right now, I'm gonna have fun over there freely, and it's gonna an awesome trip.

Oh ya, I have decided to re-design my blog. I'll do it soon after I come back from Sydney.

Exam is finished

2010-07-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

Actually it was finished days ago, I was playing all the long, so no time to update.
I start to think whether I want to re-design my blog or not, I have another very nicely designed blog at other place myself.

I think with my fairly high IQ, I can do almost anything. I designed a very complicated template for my another blog, it's complicated that it takes time for me to grasp what I have done after I stop looking at the code that I hand-made myself for a while. I laid a paper on that blog and anything I write is on that pieace of paper, which can elongate automatically adjustable accoding to how much I write. The trick is to fit that paper on your entries, and to make it aligned. It's the structure that makes it so complicated, and it's not like blogger, blogger is way easier to design because they fixed the structure for you already. That one is build from scatch, with some little example to help you only.

If compare two blogs, my the other blog looks nicer. But I not sure I got time to re-design again. Will see how~

(Don't worry about my other blog, I update this blog more frequent than that one a lot)

red mandarin grown (new song)

2010-06-10T23:33:00.000-07:00

New song:

红色旗袍

曲：R.

As promised, here is my 中国风 song.

Please use window media player only, the music is supposed to be a draft, there's no intention to perfect it, or writing it in a professional way.

Love the scent (new song)

2010-06-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

Here's the new song I just wrote:

很爱的味

曲：R.

I intended to make it a sweet songs, but I think it doesn't sound that good, but anyway, too lazy to bother.
Tried to write a sweet songs like I planned. I don't exactly like it, it's not my style, but I try to be variety in music.
The next song I wanna write should be oriental song, 中国风.

Please use window media player only, the music is supposed to be a draft, there's no intention to perfect it, or writing it in a professional way.

Before I cut my hair

2010-06-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

Was actually this long, but I cut already. Gonna do another style this time.

The theory

2010-05-28T05:27:00.000-07:00

After all what I have encountered, I've finally realised something which is very important.

Two days ago I had a very long conversation with my ex-gf's sister. She is a korean. We talked about a lot of things, and shared a lot of thoughts together. Things like her life and my life and mainly about relationship. I also took the occasion to ask a little about my ex-gf, but there were only little of informations I could pull. I wasn't really interested to know about her, I asked only as a manner of courtesy.

That is not the main thing I wish to share here, the thing that I want to share is what I discerned or discovered from during our lengthy conversation.

I realised that Love doesn't have to start with Like.

Because what I had been telling her was, there are some people who aren't really nice looking, but there are able to find and have their own partner. The thing to justify this is, that girl probably didn't like him at the first place, but the guy probably put a lot of effort in chasing her, eventually he sort of succeeded in making her touched, and the feeling that the girl have is probably love.

I said that in spontaneous when she told me that if she doesn't like a person it means end of the story. But I think the opposite, because I have seen a lot of examples where ugly guy or ugly girl gets a good looking gf or bf. It's not because they are rich or something, that factor should be precluded because I knew they were not rich.

But then, later after that, I discovered another thing again: Hate or dislike can start with Like.

That is also true because I'm one of the victims. That happens when the opposite doesn't get what they want in return. I'm however not that kinda person, unless that girl is just playing with my feeling, then it might be plausible for me to hate her a little bit. In general I wont and never hate a person that I like before. I don't need to explain further, it's enough if you feel this is possible, if you don't then it's ok. Just keep in mind of my point.

So if Love doesn't have to start with Like, and Hate or Dislike can start with Like.

Is that So Important To Like A Person?

To love a person is something that we can't explain completely, there's a possibility to love a person who doesn't really meet your expectations. That possibility exists when that person possesses an overwhelming determination and love towards a person. Therefore, love is sort of infectious, in the sense that it infects the person it wants to, but not necessary successful all the time.

So here I'm denouncing my previous theory that says we should like people based on their look.

I formulated and proposed a lot of theories regarding that topic, I think I have closed that post because right now I'm not entirely agreed with it.

I even went so far to propound that we should choose people based on their look because of their Genes or DNA factor. But it was mainly about the point that we shouldn't lower our expectations, requirements, and standard, in choosing our gf or bf.

But right now I think I was wrong, since I realised love doesn't have to start with like, although it may start with like, from one point of view, my previous theory is crumbled with that possibility. (But I still believe my previous theory is not entirely wrong)

I have known what I have to do in the future. I shall not repeat my past wrongs.

A picture of us

2010-05-22T02:46:00.000-07:00

Time will fade the colour of this picture...

I finally realised that even that I like everything about a person, I might not like the person itself.

I feel nothing when everything is clear.

Hope I can meet another person like her, but she will be the one that can make my heart pounds and make me happy when she is around, and sad when she leaves.

New pic

2010-05-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I upload my picture. Here:

Gotta study already, bye.

Oh, I forgot I got new song: 开始就不是

It supposed to sound happy, but I want it to be sad, so I added a different chorus to portray the meaning of the song.
As usual the second half of the song is very noisy, because I want to add a lot of stuff, but I'm too lazy to bother whether it's noisy.

Please use window media player only, the music is supposed to be a draft, there's no intention to perfect it.

Win

2010-05-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

At the verge of losing, U told me not to lose on street basketball, and I recovered, that day we were challenged by everyone until the day turned dark, and we were undefeated. At that moment, I felt like God walking among human.

I was made aggressive, I used to be a person that didn't care about winning or losing.

Now I'm labelled as competitive, is that a good thing or bad thing? I understand how people would feel about a person who is very competitive, they would most probably don't like it. But I hate the feeling of losing as well.

Losing for a silly game is nothing, but if losing for a real game, the feeling is bad.

I remember that day when my friend told me that words, "To play a real game is to win", I replied "But is win or lose really that matters?" He said "there's no meaning of entering a game and then not care about the outcome"

I think he meant at least we should aim for winning, not prepared for losing.

I have been labelled as competitive, I not sure it's a good thing. But I'll still strive for winning, and I will not be too apparent on that too. Regardless of what people think, it's the heart to win that determines the outcome of a game, if you don't have the heart to win, you are just depending on luck, and sheer skills is not enough in a lot of circumstances.

I'll be competitive, regardless of what you think.

But I know the limit, I'm not SO competitive to the stage that I'm loathed by people.

Be the stupid

2010-05-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:22 AM)

if u continue thinking about the girl

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:27 AM)

why you cant get her love

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:30 AM)

then u will negative

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:43 AM)

why not u dont think many people get pretty gf

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:43:46 AM)

but if i very like her?

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:48 AM)

but they also will break 1 day

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:55 AM)

if you like her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:59 AM)

she dont like you

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:03 AM)

it is very suffer

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:06 AM)

i face it before

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:13 AM)

but if you really like her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:19 AM)

you can continue chase her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:22 AM)

be a stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:25 AM)

and wait for 1 year

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:29 AM)

she get a bf

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:33 AM)

then you find me to cry

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:38 AM)

because i already prepare to do that

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:44:42 AM)

when she gets a bf, i can faint u know

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:44:52 AM)

ok meng

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:44:56 AM)

I listen to u

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:01 AM)

i be the stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:05 AM)

haha

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:10 AM)

i also be stupid now

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:11 AM)

i will find u and cry can?

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:18 AM)

I love being stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:19 AM)

no problem

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:22 AM)

i love ur plan

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:23 AM)

me too

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:25 AM)

i wan to be stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:28 AM)

after 5 years

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:35 AM)

you think about that

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:38 AM)

you tell urself

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:49 AM)

at least i have try my best to chase a girl that i love

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:54 AM)

although fail jor

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:59 AM)

but i do what i can do

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:46:18 AM)

is better than be a 逃兵

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:46:58 AM)

ur right

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:46:58 AM)

good

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:47:01 AM)

im too coward

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:11 AM)

because that night i emo for wholde

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:19 AM)

i dono how to face her after i told her i like her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:30 AM)

but i think for wholde day

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:32 AM)

i told myself

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:47 AM)

my world without her still will continue to run

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:48:20 AM)

u touch me meng.

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:48:35 AM)

i appreciate the time i with her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:48:43 AM)

i be a stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:48:54 AM)

and try my best to give her what i can give her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:05 AM)

although i know she still wont like me

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:07 AM)

this is me

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:32 AM)

i cant be the perfect one, but i am who i am

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:49:45 AM)

thank u for telling me this

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:57 AM)

haha

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:11 AM)

that day i want cry

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:14 AM)

but cant cry out

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:15 AM)

haha

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:50:25 AM)

u good

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:29 AM)

but i like her

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:50:34 AM)

ur story touches me

.................

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:55:34 AM)

and then maybe she didnt accept u

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:55:42 AM)

u already become a better man that before

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:55:54 AM)

and this is ur resume to chase other girl

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:56:15 AM)

because ronald after 6months is better ronald that currnet ronald

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:56:37 AM)

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:56:42 AM)

i will remember ...

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:59:13 AM)

thanks meng..

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:59:19 AM)

sure

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:59:23 AM)

we are brother ma

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:59:34 AM)

En =)

I'll be the stupid.

When I put this song

2010-05-09T03:15:00.000-07:00

Usually when I put this song, it means I'm going back to Malaysia soon.

This song, which is currently playing on my blog, is sort of my theme song, and I always play it during my trip back to Malaysia with my Ipod. It feels good to listen to it, while enjoying the paddy field up from airplane. I'll play it on piano too when I back.

But am I going back to Malaysia? Most probably not.

I'm playing this song because I damn miss Malaysia.

My friend asked me to be high class, don't respond to thing that people never intended to invite you. I had been stupid to ask permission to join for that trip for like 2-3 times and got rejected bluntly like shit, because I was kinda irrational that time after hearing who are going, and I lowered my self-esteem to ask her. The usual me wouldn't do that, but doesn't matter already.

After that, my friend invited me to go Sydney with him, and I've said yes.

I'll go Sydney with my friend and his friends who I don't know at all. Yes, that's how a true friend is, he knows I can mingle with anyone I like. There will be 6 of us going to Sydney, and it will be an awesome trip.

There's only one person I cant mingle with, that is the person I like her to be my gf.

Anyway, it will be a nice winter for me in Australia. I hope it will be better than Malaysia. Therefore I have to study hard to get good result, if not I'll feel too guilty to holiday also.

Stupid self-picture

2010-05-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

As title.

I know what you are thinking, shuddap please, I'm just trying something new.
And I want to say 사랑해비。

Ok damn sad right now, I called back to my home just to wish my mom Happy Mother's Day,
Guess what!?! They all left to Shanghai for Holiday !!! And I didn't even know about it. My dad, mom, and two sisters they all went together, left my little sis at home and she told me that.

Super awesome, they are now happy at Shanghai, I just chat with my mom 5 days ago, they didn't even tell me. Because they sure know I will ask them not to go, and so they secretly go. Ok, I want go Ski camp already!! I don't care!!

I tried called them in Shanghai but didnt work.

I still wanna say:
Mom, Happy Mother's Day!!! I say this to you every year and never miss, I hope you can hear this in Shanghai. I wish I can kiss you like when I was in Malaysia every year. I love you mom!! Miss you!!

Freedom

2010-05-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

I'm free finally.

I confessed to her this morning and at the same time, I expressed my intention to give up on her too.

It wont happened if she never rejected my invitation for a meal, it all started when I was rejected for like 3 times. One thing I don't understand is why I couldn't have a simple meal with her as a normal friend at first, she just kept on rejecting me.

Basically, it shattered my confidence. It rendered me unable to talk to her normally over time.

But I finally freed myself from it, I no need to feel depressed anymore because of the reason that we cant communicate, not just that I'm damn happy and have this sense of big relief, because I feel free to flirt with anyone right now. =)

What am I?

2010-05-05T08:36:00.001-07:00

There were times when I question myself, what kinda person am I?

Last January, I was driving in Malaysia for 3 weeks with a 1 year expired driving licence. There were two occasions of police check out, and I wasn't a bit scare at all going through all that. Luckily they didn't ask me to produce my licence, if not I wouldn't be at Melbourne right now.

Because the last day when I was about to leave for Melbourne, I drove to my grandma house, speeding and with an expired licence. I had a hunch that there will be a police check out, and it did happen. There was a second police check out that day, and I drove passed them without any fear, I sorta gambled, and they didn't check my licence. If they did, I wouldn't be able to aboard the air plane to melbourne that afternoon.

That is the most recent one. I did a lot of law-breaking stuff before, right now I do less already when I was in Malaysia.
I drift my car, speed, illegal cutting, break traffic light, not following the road sign or line, basically I have committed a lot of traffic offences. Anything you could and couldn't think of, like I bolted (escape) from the police, at the same time not wearing seat belt, driving without licence, speeding, without IC, and failed bribery. (I escaped that without paying anything at all after got caught)

Just to clarify, that doesn't mean I'm not a competent driver. I have confident on my driving skills.

But I like to do things differently, I like to save time and speed. That is what driven me the most, the second one is I like the feeling of thrill. I like to drive without a licence, breaking traffic offences.

Most of the time, my dad covered up my asses. I'm so irresponsible as a son, but he knows what I'm doing, he doesn't approve of course. He has way to cancel the saman I always got, or stop the traffic police from issuing me a saman on the spot. I certainly don't want him to do that for me every time. It would be cool if one day I can break the traffic law without any liabilities attached to me. It's not that I don't respect the law, but traffic law is differently treated by me.

What makes me so daring? I don't know.
The last time when I was about to leave Malaysia for Melbourne, I still drove with expired licence and gone through police check out.

I just like the thrill from it. That's all I have to say.

New song~

2010-05-03T06:33:00.001-07:00

It has been a long time since I post a new song here.
Here's the song I just finished:

紫色麝香

I took the time I have after I finished my assignment to compose it.
It's not the best nor it's good, but at least I came out with something, hoping I can improve.

The song is getting more and more noisy, apparently midi is not enough for me already. I'm hoping I can learn how to make mp3 one day.

I never give up

2010-04-09T05:41:00.000-07:00

I'll never give up.

Give it 2 years, 5 years, or 10 years, I'll be back each time with the better me until you finally say yes to have a lunch or dinner with me.

I'm cursed, my world is too grey for you, but I'll paint it with colours, hoping one day you will see it. I'm too afaird of looking at you, but I always like to. And I never learn how to smile, that's how I was brought up to. Sorry I couldn't act naturally in front of you, because I was afraid I might say the wrong thing.

I'm sorry I'm not like the other guy, I hope you will find another guy that suits you, and enjoy being in love. But my question will always remain... please dinner with me.

And it might be a question, that will never get an answer yes.

I'll still live life to the fullest, because I never sad of getting rejected from you. Because I don't know what is love, I just know that I really like you, and that's the only feeling that is true.

Going to camp tomorrow!

2010-04-04T21:46:00.000-07:00

I'm going to Malaysian Club camp tomorrow, it's my chance! =)
I cannot expect too much, but still... I have hope.

I have lost interest in joining any camp, because I have had many of that experience already.
If not for that reason... hahahah... you guys would know.

Just shot a picture and uploaded it, that's it, I cant blog too much this lately.

I sucks

2010-03-24T07:19:00.000-07:00

I just realised how terrible am I.

It's time that I disconnect, to upgrade myself. Because I'm so fuk up atm.

The difference

2010-03-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

The difference between studying in Malaysia and Overseas is extraordinary.

In overseas, I have known friends that when I ask them what their fathers do, they cant really explain it. They can only explain it by typing their fathers' name into google, and showing it to me by using forbes.com.

In Malaysia, I doubt that will ever happen.

Me? I'm not that rich, not even inside top 100# of Malaysia richest, but I have a friend who is top 21# of Malaysia richest. I'm able to live a comfortable life and that's it.

So there's a truth in of what my teacher used to say to us, he said "it's better you go overseas and study if you are capable, don't waste your time in Malaysia, because the level of people you will know is different." He said it in a more realistic way "those people you will know in Malaysia are just beginning to build their empire from nothing, those people you will know in overseas have their big empire already."

I'm certainly not coming from that top 100# richest families, but I shall be in that list one day, no matter what it takes.

So, fuck it with music, fuck it with blogging. That's not my thing anymore, law is my thing, because that is what I'm going to build my empire from. Sorry, I wont be updating my blog that frequent anymore. I have a huge modern bungalow, I can afford a ferrari but I dont have one, but that's not enough because what I saw, is already out of my imagination, it's out of that ferrari and huge bungalow, because my friend can afford 200 ferrari, and I can just afford one.

When I reach the top, it will be a view that I will never forget.

Cant write out a music

2010-03-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

I cant write any music at all, when I don't have my source of inspiration.
Supposedly I have to post up a piece right now, but freaking awesome, I cant compose at the moment.

And I just got two pieces for this year, according to my "visualised schedule", I'm a bit late behind of completing 10 songs for this year. Anyway it's not important, just that I feel it's time that I come out with something to impress myself.

I wonder if I really got a gf, my source of inspiration would be endless, what will happen then? I want to find out. =)

Me~

2010-03-04T03:33:00.000-08:00

That's me = ="
I just thought I long time didn't take photo, so I just shot one and uploaded it.

I'm back

2010-03-02T23:42:00.001-08:00

I'm back to Melbourne.

That's it!

Happy birthday dad

2010-02-26T08:34:00.000-08:00

Today is my dad birthday, dad I wish you a happy birthday and be healthy and happy forever. Thanks for being a good dad always, I love you.

I didn't say it to you myself, because I couldn't do it. I was still infuriated by that day when I was forced to use rude word first time in front of you, because of the arguments incited by my sister. I was so emo I just didn't have the right mood to say it.

But I wish I can let you know how much I love you dad. I'll be leaving soon back to melbourne, please take care of yourself.
Please take care of mom, I'm very worry about her, and my sisters.

Mom, I wish I can take back what I had said, sorry for being so unfilial, Mom I love you very much. I'm sorry that I have caused so much disappointment to you and dad, I shouldn't be playing game but spend more time with you. Please don't be worry because I have quit playing game, I just play that game because I was so unhappy about that last arguments, there were so many dissatisfaction that I made me wanted to play game to make you angry, as a means of punishing myself.

I'm sorry, I wont it again...
I love you Dad and Mom, please forgive me your son.

Tonight is my last night sleeping at my own room, I'll be back to Melbourne in two days later, tomorrow I'll go to Penang already. I'll miss my family, house, and my lovely hometown. I wish I don't have to leave..

Where I belong

2010-02-24T08:42:00.000-08:00

They said my bedroom is as big as their entire flat, that is because they live in a low cost government subsidized flat, my bedroom is not that extremely big, it will be wasteful if I got an extremely big bedroom to contain just me.

I do live a comfortable life, that's because I got a very capable parents. But I'm poor, in terms of financial, I'm wholly self-reliant.
Because I have relinquished my right to inherit the money from my parents, I wish to make my 3 sisters pleased, as I'm the only son of my family I'm treated better than any of them since I was a child. And in my own thoughts, I wish to reimburse them.

I love my sisters, but the thing that I cant prevent is how my mom treats us, she certainly doesn't treat us equally. I'm the only person who will make her a real grandmother, not grandmother in law, I can certainly understand why. The only thing that I'll likely to inherit is this bungalow, a contemporary bungalow with no roof and a lot of windows, painted with grey and white. The reason is because it's my duty to take care of my parents when they are old, my sisters will be married to other persons, the house is my parents most beloved property, it was my mom dream house and it came true, they wont leave the house to my sister who will not be taking care of them, and it's impossible their husband will stay with my parents, I forbid that to happen because of chinese social norms issue.

My thinking is my house is extremely contemporary, it's likely to be the frontier of any house design for at least another 20 years. But then, I don't plan to live in this house forever, I plan to build another bigger house than the current by my own effort, and of course staying with parents forever they'll have to move with me by that time. My current house is designed or tailored to suit my current family, I don't think it will suit us in the future.

Where I belong is so much comfortable, So I don't enjoy departure at all. I don't enjoy living at overseas, unless I recreate and design a house like this at there. My mom and dad came out with brilliant ideas on this house, most of the furniture in this house are unique and custom-made, and distinct, the house design is so remarkable that it attracts a lot of people to photograph my house. Many have since copied my house design, they came and took photo of it showed to the contractors, some who went unreasonable and asked us to give them our blueprint, some wanted to come in and take photo, only one was being bastard and bribed our architect to give them our blueprint. The architect had done nothing about the design, we just hired him to put a signature on the blueprint.

Still got 3 days left, in fact tomorrow will be my last day on here, I'll be going penang before I leave. Each departure saddens me. I got 4 dogs right now, 1 beagle, 1 rottweiler and golden retriever mixed, 1 shi tzu and maltese mixed, and 1 pure breed poodle. 2 indoor and 2 outdoor, my home is so much warming with their presents. How can i leave? It's a bull shit that overseas is better than here, I'm different.

Release

2010-02-24T03:17:00.000-08:00

There is no more I can do as a brother, I feel everything I ever did was a failure.

I think it's time for her to decide her own fate, her fate is not what I can dictate.
As her brother, I do wish everything that is good for her, but what she ever did was defy me.
She defies me of all the advice that I've given her, frustrating, until I have to tell myself to let go of her already.

About 99% of the arguments from my family stem from her, the 1% not from her, is the case scenario that is out of my imagination. So I guess it's time that I leave her alone, from now on for every mistake she does or any wrongdoing she does, is no longer my concern.

I don't wish to be inside the argument anymore, I'm very tired of always trying to save the situation while lecturing her, as I have just used a rude word in front of my parents for the first time ever in my life. It's disrespectful to my parents and also a big disgrace for me as well. I thought I could live a life ever without using a rude word in front of my parents, but I have failed.

She has made me broke my principle, it breaks my heart as well.
Go, and have your own life, I have no right to interfere anymore.
If she blames me one day, I'll show her what I've written.

Difference

2010-02-20T09:08:00.000-08:00

Time is running low again. I still got a few days left before I leave here.

There are so many things that I'll miss, this simple town of mine, is more than it looked.
Back there, many people said that it's greater than here, people were persuading me to migrate to there, thinking it is better than anywhere in Malaysia, especially the wages and living condition.

They don't know what kinda life I have here. I have a very comfortable life and a loving family, I got a house which needs about 5k just to maintain every month (electricity, water bill, and other incidental expenses like internet). How can there be compared to here? The person who asked me to migrate vigorously came from a hawker stall family, and of course, when he got about 2.8k wages per month over there convert to RM he'll have RM 7-8k, the pay is better. But he didn't realise he is working as the lowest level job in the society, he works as a storekeeper, and another man works as a waiter. They've already felt proud of it.

To clarify, you'll only get 2.8k aussie dollar per month if u work 11 hours of pure labour everyday non-stop. For those who had worked that long before, you know it suffers more than death itself. You'll feel your leg like it's broken, your body pains like hell, and that pure pain persist for everyday, and u not getting any rest at all. It's true, I describe the experience not just according to myself, but from what they shared with me. The toll that is taken from the body: severe damage to the skin and nails of your feet, leg muscle damage that will take effect when you are old (u will not be able to walk properly or crippled when the time comes, if u over exert ur leg)

That is for the hardcore who solely wants to make money rather than caring about their own body.
So I think the best is you earn 2k aussie dollar max and maintain ur own body at the same time.

Those who migrated there were seeking to improve their life. But my life is good and doesn't need any improvement by going there, because it does no more improvement but a downgrade of life if I migrate to there, I'll improve my life further at here.
Some more when you migrate to there, life will be so lonely, extremely boring and pathetic. So far I have never seen anyone who migrated there lives a merry and jolly life yet. They all live in a house where it's so freaking dark and quiet at night you cant even see the road. People that you can mix with have been cut down to little, but if you can impress the white who live there maybe you can be friend with them who always look down to asian. I would say good luck with that.

After all these years, I have learned that 85% of the people who migrated to Australia live a solitary life, they have few friends and live in every single boring day. Unless you assimilate into their culture, mix with white, or local asians, you wont find Australia a happy place to live. The most painful about this is you have to act like them, and forget about ur own identity and style.

It's better to stay at our own place and think about how to improve our living condition and make money, rather than go overseas and work as cheap and low job, and then satisfy with the wages after it is converted into RM. I think if you migrate to overseas, most likely you'll work like this forever, unless you got skills and high qualification.

I know I can earn more if I go Australia and practice law, but I can equally earn that much as well if I stay and work at here.
There is no need to work overseas and convert the wages to make it looks a lot, you can be successful and become rich anywhere you want, not just overseas.

It's not because only if you go overseas then you can be successful and rich, that is wrong thinking.
Some more I live a luxurious life here, I don't want to migrate there. It will be me who's going to maintain it that way in the future, it'll be me who going to pay the bill one day.

Regretted of fooling around

2010-02-15T23:24:00.000-08:00

I wanted to say this for a very long time already, I'm regretted of fooling around.

There was a time when I did a lot of fooling around or flirting with girls, and I used to say something which let them think that I actually like them. But actually I never. There were times when people actually thought I like them, and I didn't care. I just like to play with them by flirting.

Now I'm extremely regretted, because there is one girl whom I think she thinks I like her. And it is not alright, because we are friend, and each time when I speak with her, her reply is so weird!

I'm quite speechless, lol.

Pure pressure

2010-02-13T08:31:00.000-08:00

There's a sheer amount of pressure on me right now. When it's about the exam, I could feel myself crumbling inside.
And then my heart feels bitter and sour at once, it's what probably you called afraid, or intimidated.

I had never been so afraid of anything in my life, but my law exam.
I'm so afraid, because my parents spend so much money for me, they provide for me to study overseas, and I'm a big squanderer.
With all those things together, it means I can't fail in my studies. Not even once.
Nobody could imagine or comprehend the pressure that I'm having right now, the feeling of worrying about how good you are in the law exam, not even a bit.

I can try describe some situations that are more or less like mine right now:
(1) it's like falling from the sky, knowing that you'll die when you reach the ground. But that is not the main concern, the main concern is about the feeling that you get when u fall from a high sky.
(2) It's like you gamble all your money in a casino, your entire property all in, and then you lose your gamble. The feeling is like that exact few minutes when you lost everything.
(3) It's like you have lost hope and everything in a split of second, but that feeling persist for a very long time.

I was a fairly good student during my high school, I scored 7 A1 and 3Bs in my SPM. The Bs are chinese, english and malay.
Apparently I wasn't any good at my languages, and yet I chose to study Law, a subject which involves a lot of language skills.
During the second half of my first year law school, I had a lot of struggles in the exam.
The least that I would like to experience was the aftermath of the exam result announcement, because honestly my result wasn't any good at all. It was horrifying, and I had to live with it every single day of that period. I was terrified to the max, because, Imagine I always used to have a fairly good score on my exam, and then my exam result was totally like shit, at this crucial and important stage of my life. Can you imagine how it is like?

I do not like law actually, I wish I could find a fond in it, but too bad I can't.
Law is freaking boring and not lively at all, it's pretty much a dead subject.
The only thing I like about law is it can make me a lot of money, and also serve justice for the people.

I carried a noble intention initially, when I chose to take the course of studying law.
I thought I could one day, serve justice and equality for the people, which is something that I upheld the most.
But sometimes I feel my heart is just not big enough to accommodate this big and noble intention.
I sometimes feel it is too much to fill this heart alone.

I realised the fine line that separates a great man from a normal guy, I can actually see it.
To cross that line is not as easy as you say, it requires a lot of determination, lots of will, and a big heart to accommodate all the failure and hardship that you are likely to experience.
I'm still not sure I'm that material yet.

Am I a great man? Or a normal guy?

I'm doing something which is not my strongest, imagine you cant do math but you do actuarial study in university.
I'm a person with a lot of ideas and capable of giving a hell good of arguments.
But I feel I'm limited by my language effluence.

What is my future from now? I don't wish to be afraid of my law exam anymore. I wish to be confident like I always did.
I was a person who walked in to the exam venue at the exact time when it started and leave before it ended, and score A at the end. Now I'm afraid to the stage that I can feel coldness has consumed my heart.

I wish this all end soon. God please help me, if you chose me to hand down your divine retribution. Please make my heart stronger and bigger, so I can accommodate all these and move forward. Make my efforts and endeavors a fruitful one. Take away all my worries and pressure, and insert a hope that is promising. Amen.

Malaysia

2010-02-11T02:41:00.000-08:00

I'm back to Malaysia already! surprised by the upgrade in my house.

My mom bought a lot of furniture, no wonder she wouldn't allow me to buy a car already, must be a pressure for her to spend so much money at once. Still with all those new furniture, it doesn't make my house feel cramped, it just makes it feels less empty.

Today is the second day already, I hadn't got a chance to say good bye to my friend, who was going to Australia for further study, because he switched off his handphone. I was supposed to call him when the first day I arrived, and before he flew to Australia.
Good Bye Meng, hope u have a great time over there at Australia.

I'll update the blog later, I'm going out for CNY pasar malam!

Left

2010-02-05T22:12:00.000-08:00

New song, but I don't think it's good.

I don't have inspiration this lately, because again, no relationship with any girl, which is my primary source of inspiration.

离别

It sucks I admit, wrote already so I put it out.
Oh, I'm going back to Malaysia. =)

Happy chinese new year everyone!!!

2010-02-03T02:10:00.000-08:00

I love this shit!!! damn hilarious!!!!

Funny

2010-02-02T17:41:00.000-08:00

So many half-naked pictures, it was hot this lately.

It feels funny to me of what people think about my bank account, while I'm already at a level that they can't even comprehended.

I not bragging, but some people can never imagined. People would usually be squandering if they were in my shoes, but not me. I only squander for myself, not for other. In fact, I'm very stingy to things that I don't feel it's important. For example, I don't feel it's important to go for a vacation, therefore I would be very stingy in this case.

I don't like the idea that people have in their mind. People would usually take advantage of you when they know you are capable in terms of financial. That is what I hate the most, I can only be generous for people convenience. For example, I can be generous as to allow a person to drink the milk I bought, only for her convenience, not for long terms feeding her for free. Things that arent't really constantly consuming my money, like borrowing a book or any equipment to a friend is fine. I don't see why my milk has to be finished so soon, and other foods that I bought have to finish so quick, and I have to go out and buy it again, and come back to constantly feed people for free.

Most of all, I don't like the thought of feeding people for free, while it is other person's parent's job.

Apparently some people do have a bad thinking, it's somebody who told me that.

There are two noticable traits that I discerned over the past years, my friends who are very financially capable are better in his manner in terms of things that I mentioned above. They wont take your advantage and they always being fair and generous. (note that our generousity is only for convenience and friendship). In contrast, friends that are not very financially capable tend to take advantage of other people, and they will feel it's normal and smart to do so, because people are capable.

I think most of the people already knew about what I have said, I didn't say it because I'm so damn care about it, or too scrupulous. I only say it because I can only feel comfortable in the way that I always be. Or maybe I only say it because of my libra character as well.

Lastly, there are people who think like what I have said, and they think it's perfectly normal and smart. And they will surely feel offended of what I have said. But I don't give a damn care about them.

For a start, they already lack the good personality which everyone ought to have, are they lacked of home education or due to their predicament, are none of my concerns as well. You don't accept a badly made things, because of you know the reasons why it was badly made, but you concern about the improvement or proper functions, that it should have.

Peaceful

2010-01-27T17:26:00.000-08:00

I'm quite enjoy the time here, being peaceful and quiet.

I didn't feel lonely at all, instead I feel very comfortable and warmth. I have become so accustomed to alone, sometimes I would feel any sound or noise that is obvious is a nuisance to me. I think, that is only when I was at home, I would still want to have a lot of friends out there.

I wouldn't dare to say I enjoy my housemate absence, she might be reading this haha. I just say I enjoy the peaceful quietness.
She is coming back soon, right?! right!

I'm going back to sleep... it's too comfortable, I feel I don't wanna get up yet.. Jalja..

Card

2010-01-26T21:13:00.000-08:00

I just recieved a bad news, my mom is going to take back my Platinum Card!!!!
Well, just one. She is going to take away my Mastercard and left a Visa for me.

She asked me to use cash, instead of using credit card. But I'm not the person who uses cash a lot, I like to keep my wallet thin and neat. I usually carry about less than 100 bucks, the rest like shopping I would prefer to use credit card, it's much more a convenient tool than owing the bank money, I don't eat or owe people money, that is my principle. (Therefore, I would belittle anyone who does things against my principle, a person with such personality is equal to a shit, to me.)

The stupid government is going to charge us for having a lot of credit cards, it seems they are discouraging people to use a lot of credit and subsequently build up a lot of debts with the bank. The government will start to "suck" our money for having an extra card starting this February.

I just called my mom and asked her not to cancel my credit card so soon, because I know when I do shopping, two cards is very useful as you can switch between card to avoid the cooling down. (the safety net to avoid people who stole your card to make a lot of purchases). The CNY shopping frenzy is getting near! I need two cards as always to complete my CNY shopping.

Damn, how can I live without cards? I have 3 cards when I turned 18, 2 standard and one gold, and 2 more platinum when I turned 20. One gold had been canceled due to the reason because I couldn't purchase alcohol with it, two standard had been canceled during the recession because I changed bank. Now only left one plat =(

I have been very dependent on cards, until the stage I would feel sad if no card for me to use. My parents have spoiled me, I guess.

I will pay 100 bucks to save my card, that is what I intending to do. The problem is I'm not going back to Malaysia! there is no chance to negotiate with my parents, they seemed to be not caring about it, they gave me the cards out of their convenience, hence will not respond to any of my request.

Danceroid

2010-01-19T04:55:00.000-08:00

Last time I introduced a meido dancer named Minka Lee, she is now my most favourite dancer on internet. I just checked her Japanese Blog last few days and found out that she has recently formed a dance group, called Danceroid.

It seems that she gathered all the internet video dancer and formed a group with them. I have seen all their dance videos long before their group is formed, the other two members aren't good as Minka.

Got one too skinny, and the other one I don't how to describe, just not very appealing to me. I have my eyes on Minka only, who appears to be quite fat when compared to those skinny and short girls.

I like the song very much, even though it sounds like for girl only, I just enjoy the melody. It's a bit japanese techno style and it's nicely composed.

I think I would like to try to compose Japanese style song already, wanna give it a try =)

Sunny Day

2010-01-12T05:48:00.000-08:00

The weather was so hot yesterday until this evening and it turned better.
Can you believe it was 46 degrees? I not sure whether it was 46, but that's what I heard from my friend. I did feel like 46 degrees! I got a fan but to no avail, the wind blown from the fan was hot!

I like the weather in Malaysia, but not like this one. This one feels like in a oven.

First picture of this year, which I just took it just now. Luckily the heat wave is over, and it's cold again. The weather in Australia feels like in desert and then suddenly feels like in ice land.

Class

2010-01-09T00:34:00.001-08:00

Last night my friend K said something that really makes me think a lot, he said he only able to chase A to B class pretty girl, not S class.

S class is the best of the best. We work at a restaurant, we able to see lots of pretty girl dining in our restaurant almost everyday. Of course, we have seen S Class many times before not just once, it's not because they are more rare than A or B class, Australia got a lot of S class pretty girl.

It's just that the S class speak english mostly, and they are normally higher in standard than A and B class. My another friend A once said that I got the potential to chase S class, I don't really know what it means.
Probably the S class's life is a bit different than A or B class, or maybe their prespective is a bit different assuming they are higher in standard and they stand at a higher ground, looking at things from the top. Or maybe they see things differently, since they are S class, they probaly met a lot of people before already.

I don't have much to say, I'm still thinking what S class girls want.

Kara

2010-01-06T22:17:00.000-08:00

Kara is a popular korean girl band which I personally quite like, I didn't know about Kara until my friend introduced me. The first MV I watched was this one, the song name is Mister.

It was damn enjoying to watch their dance, I feel the song is so so, but the dance is so captivating, lol, especially the lalalala part when they sway their butt.

Perfume!!

2010-01-05T21:10:00.000-08:00

One of my favourite band! I used to dislike techno, but that was before perfume added Cuteness to techno!!! their songs are now in my iPod! I listen to them almost everyday!!

Most important is their dance! totally out of this world!!!

Oh ya, if you wondering what they are playing in that MV, that is called pika-pika, it's very popular in Japan.

Club Prince

2010-01-05T20:50:00.000-08:00

Ahhaha, I super love club prince, so cool lol !
You know why? because almost all of their MVs got pretty girl dancing at the background lol!!!
And their songs are nice of course!

New song again

2010-01-04T06:07:00.001-08:00

I was extremely busy this lately, I work for 12 hours per day! Totally have no time for blogging or onlining.

But I have written a new song, it's called 想这样

I don't have a lot of inspiration this lately, but I tried to squeeze out any juice that was left. Merely because I felt I should at least write a new song for the start of the new year, luckily I did finish a song in one day, but it took me quite a lot of time (more than 4 hours). That is the difference between when I got a lot of inspiration (1-3 hours one song) and little inspiration.

Anyway, I can produce a song anytime that I want, just it takes longer when I don't have a lot of inspiration, that's why I wont be doing that so often, once a while is ok.

Happy New Year~

2010-01-01T18:51:00.000-08:00

It's kinda late now, but I still feel I wanna write a post to wish everyone Happy New Year!

My new year celebration was nothing, I had to work the day before and after new year until 11 p.m. Then hang out with friends at a not so crowded place.

Anyway, I'll try to update my blog more. I'm not a person who needs to work, but I'm now working at full time because the employees are few and there's not enough person to help. That's what hinders me to update more frequently. In short, nowadays I'm very busy.

Happy New Year again everyone! Especially to my friends at Malaysia and Taiwan.

The link

2009-12-19T06:05:00.000-08:00

The link between two worlds is me. If so, what am I?
Which side do I belong?

I know where I was born, and where I came from.
But a person can be tained so easily, that it is harder, even to breathe.

Even clear water needs to be purfied, constantly, in order to be pure, or free of any contamination.
It requires a lot of determination to remain in the state of nobility, or meritorious, deserving of being praised.

I'm definitely not deserve of being praised, right now.

There's a fine line between these two worlds,
One must choose where he belongs, and should not be jumping over there and here.

I shall not be the fallen one, because I'm a dictator of myself, you cannot and shall not influence me.

There's only one side that will not be perished, I'll be as pure as possible, in order to be eligible to remain there.

My new room

2009-12-17T01:28:00.000-08:00

I have to sleep on the floor, there's no bed frame. I quite like it because it feels quite good, but not good for health as they said.

It's pretty much bright and white. I got a fully white double bed and pillows, the quilt is fully white as well. I took a photo of my bed but the reflection of light was too intense, wont be able to see anything actually so I didn't upload it.

I got a Samsung LCD tv which is black, an IBM laptop and printer which are in black as well. And the bags are black, so it's sorta balance a bit.

The apartment is quite a modern one, there are two rectangular windows until the floor in my room. My actual room in malaysia got 35-45% walls are windows, so the windows here give me the feeling of my own actual room too, which is extremely bright and white.

Something like that, my actual room in Malaysia.
I'll take more photo of my new room next time. I'm quite lazy to take out my Canon Camera (not web cam) to take picture right now. I realised that I can't use my web cam to shoot, I need to stand at a distance to do so, hence just one picture. =P

I'm living with a person right now. The apartment is a two bedroom apartment, so things are pretty simple and tidy.

Sorry for the abnormal posts this lately, I guess nobody would understand what I wrote.

what can I do?

2009-12-16T20:27:00.000-08:00

perhaps, nothing...

or maybe not...

Please give me a chance and I'll do this right...

The conclusion that will never be told.

2009-12-16T04:42:00.000-08:00

I have all the answers that I wanted since I was a child. What's next?

I have known (1) why a person rather to become a beggar, than work. (2) Why a person has so little ambition, that a job as a cleaner is already a satisfaction. That covers not just the job as a cleaner, but other jobs which have low income and wages. (3) Why a person would become a prostitute, even though she is very pretty and capable of matching with any celebrities. (4) Why a person could be so evil, mischievous. (5) Why a person has no value or principle to guide him. (6) Why a person is so not considerate and always put his own interest as first, others as second or less, and not care for other in any aspect.

(4)-(6) can be categorized as one, because I can use one general answer for them.
(3) has many answers and it's by far the most complex to understand.
(2) Is almost the same as (1) but not really.
(1) gave me the most valuable answer, it provided me the basis to understand people more.

I shall not make any conclusion at here. What I've learnt is confined to myself.
And I shall use the knowledges for the good. As I'm now have more understanding of the people's choice, and how they make their choices, I'm now more able to accept them as part of the society.

(4) - (6) are better left as they be, unless repent. (1) can be prevented, but not exactly be saved. (2) can be improved, but not exactly be changed. It's just number (3)... I still don't know what to do about it.

Even that I have said what can be done about it, there are still ways to fix or improve this. That's what I believe. I carry the burdens, with the knowledge I have.

미향

2009-12-15T03:59:00.000-08:00

I have known the truth, and my heart tears.
I have understood why, why someone has to be distained. Not everyone has the privilege to make a choice, not everyone knows how to choose even if they got the choice, and not everyone will choose the right one.

I shall refrain myself, forever, in order to respect her, respect her dignity and soul. She has a special place in my heart, even though we did nothing. I understand her predicament, it's not what she wanted.

I have completed my quest, thank you.

Forgiveness

2009-12-13T06:50:00.000-08:00

I'm sinned, The hungry for knowledge requires that much of sacrification.

I'm sinned, Is there any redemption or salvation for me?

I'm sinned, One day they would know.

I'm sinned. And it ends here, now.

The walk

2009-12-11T04:04:00.000-08:00

The world has rotten.

I'll do something that would distain my reputation, in order to know the truth. As I gained more insight, I knew it became more darker than I thought. A person soul is the most valuable thing in this world, some would suffer in this world and some would not, all due to the reason that we don't belong to this world. One day we all shall return to where we belong.

With the knowledges of either side, I increase the burden that I carried. And I shall only discharge those burdens when I return, by making me myself the slave of mankind.

Nothing could salve my conscience.
I have never been tainted, nor shall I be, Please forgive me.

The place

2009-12-07T06:25:00.000-08:00

Today marks the first time I ever lost, before this I really cant accept to lose.

I did as I was told. But what happened to my perfectionist view? Fuking undermines it. But it doesn't matter, to always win means I must be stronger. Currently I'm not, I don't really like to lose, but if you never lose you'll never win. It's like randomly fire a gun and see what it hits.

I prefer I only need to fire once.
I'll reach the place. Where non is able to reach, it's ridiculously godlike, and I shall be there alone.

Misconception, Otaku? or playboy? I'm already one of them.

New Song

2009-12-05T17:13:00.000-08:00

I'll make it short, because I'm typing on the floor...

1) I have completed a new song.
2) Don't have chair and table, it's hard for me to do composition.
3) Sitting in a bad position on the floor makes parts of my body sore.

About the song.
1) Completed in 3 hours, took me so long because of reason 2 just now.
2) It may be very noisy and complex for some poeple, but not for me, because I can separate the music in my head.
3) Have a lot of inspiration this lately, because of.... (I mentioned about my source of inspiration before)
4) Lazy to make any further improvement or change, no need to tell me any of your unsatisfaction or complaint after you listen to this song, unless authorised.

Here's the song:
黑色天使

Please enjoy and listen until the end, there's a difference of course, more noisy mah.
PS: use window media player to play, you sure cannot tahan if you use quick time player.

Busy busy busy

2009-12-01T16:20:00.000-08:00

I'm extremely busy this lately, job hunting, summer course, adjusting to new apartment and environment, hell lots of things for me to do.

Also going out with friends, wasting and spending money. = =

I think my Otaku identity is getting more and more obsolete. Don't have time to write song or watch anime already, furthermore, I don't have table or chair atm, I cant really lie on the bed all the time while using the laptop.

Found a new place

2009-11-21T19:43:00.001-08:00

Finally, I have found a new house. I'll be moving there by this saturday.

I'll have to buy some furniture, will have to spend money again.
Hope I can quickly find a job to earn back the money I squandered.

The weather is crazy here, it was very hot few days ago, now it's cold again. I miss the weather at Malaysia where it's stable and constant, there is no worries about what cloth to wear and bring. At here, you wear T-shirt and you thought it will be hot today but it might be cold at night or evening.

Talk back about my new place, I'll be living with a girl that I just know.
I guess if it doesn't matter to her, it doesn't matter to me as well, I just want a comfortable place to live, and that place is the best. It's modern and nice.
Most importantly she is quite a person I can live with, that's how I feel.. because I feel comfortable with her.

Thank God allowed me to find such a good place.

Looks dumb, I just wanna put something which is recent of me, so I don't care.
I always look thin and skinny, because of the cloth is baggy.

Oh one more thing, why is it I can still see changes on my body? I mean I can see my chest hairs sprout out and growing a bit. and my beard is getting more. There's still a transformation on my body, I thought I'm already over with puberty, so I guess not. I'm still on puberty.

Is that a good thing? I'm 21 already. Not so sure I should see anymore transformation on my body. Is this all started when I started to gym? The hair is not long luckily, if not I'll go lasser it no choice, it's just short and thin. Blah, why am I discussing about this? =P

Back

2009-11-20T18:41:00.000-08:00

My exam finished 5 days ago, I spent those 5 days for playing, watching movie, shopping, eat and sleep, basically I did nothing significant.

I deleted the game last night, I played enough already. It's time to start a serious life back.

I have said before that I wanted to change my image from Otaku to 型男, and I really started to do something about it. I spent like $700 aussie dollar to buy cloths. In Malaysia I can buy twice the amount of cloth with that much of money, unfortunately I wont be going home, that's why I spent money on buying cloth that much. One piece of cloth here cost about RM 200 at Malaysia, that just the t-shirt, for the pants, it will definitely cost RM 300 and above. That's why I could only bought a few cloths with that amount of money.

There will be a renovation on my blog soon, a lot of stuff I didn't do, I'll update my blog often, make it more interesting. Hope I can get more time, and I'm moving out with somebody soon, not sure whether it's a good place or not yet, tomorrow I'll know.

Sad song

2009-11-11T06:08:00.001-08:00

One more exam to go, and I'm a free man.

I was thinking, and something hit me. I was thinking why the hell am I writing all sad songs. Well most of them are sad, I did write some chirpy songs but they are just few.

To be honest, I like to write sad song, I don't like to be sad, but I do like to write sad song. And there's one more in my head, reading to be let out. I guess I'll be continue to write sad song for a very long time.

I'm 100% not a sad person, I watched Stephen Chow's movies for hundreds or thousands of times, because I like them, I like to be amused, I like to crack cranky jokes and laugh. And I really don't like people who always appears as sad, like my friend, I talked her out of it, she was a person who always depressed and I couldn't stand it, I asked her not to be sad, tried all my ways and means to keep her happy, and I did it.

I extremely hate sad mood, but I do like to see girl with sad faces, it has to be not totally sad, it has to be a little bit sad that kind of degree. Don't like it when a girl is always sad as well, I like girl to be chirpy, joyful, bright, but not nosy.

So I certainly don't want my future gf to listen to any of my music, because it's sad. Sad as in Blue. I like Blue, not the colour but the music. I have part of me living in a sad world, but it only manifested in my music. In my imaginary world, it's much about a love story, a love story that never exists in the real world. Why I say it never exists? because I never have a great love relationship before, all I had was the old puppy love and a short term relationship.

Shit, it sucks. Better get off my single life quick, but I really don't know how. All I know is the cheap method of "internet". I never really tried in real. But I reckon that all is going to be changed. Because! I have a master to teach me, he is a playboy, handsome, and really a girl killer. His body is like a ferrari in the car world, therefore any girl would fall for him. That is only when I get back to Malaysia, to receive his training.

Until then I'll just study hard and build up my body. I love Uni life, because I think, I sort of like to study.... hmm.... how could that be?

It happened

2009-11-09T01:17:00.000-08:00

My fear had resulted.

It starts like this:
X is a friend of Y, Y is a person who is totally against me. Y was very against me, for whatsoever reason I didn't know or knew but not sure. Therefore, if you ask Y about me, there sure be hell lot of negative comments, I knew that very well because I had heard what she said about me before. X is a good friend of Y, therefore I suspected influence on X. Hence, I would like to shut X mouth as well, imagined X and Y hanged together for so much time, anything come out of X mouth would be uncomplimentary of me.

Whether I succeed or failed, I'm not sure. But it doesn't matter because I chose to retrive information from X while exposed myself to such risk. That information proved to be valuable to me, and I'm satisfied with the result.

I have to admit that I only like pretty girl, but not ugly girl. That's my preference, like you like to eat ice cream or chocolate. It's completely personal, even some people would view such as not a good thing. But that's stupid, why not? Why not like pretty girl but ugly girl?

That preference had given me a lot of haters at high school. I was quite a popular guy in my high school, a lot of juniors approached me, but I only talked to those who were better looking. Those who were fat and ugly, who appeared repulsive to me, had less of my attention (girl only, guy I don't have preference). I admit it is wrong, but it's too late.

So everything comes out from them about me is negative, I had seen it, heard it myself. That is why I don't want any comment from them.

Why pretty girl?

As to I only like pretty girl, it's my choice and preference, it's completely personal. It's like you like ice cream but dislike chocolate. Why not like pretty girl? I can see no reason for that at all. What I have changed is I make friends with anyone, I don't care about their look, but I would want my gf to be pretty, because that's what I like. There's nothing wrong with like only looks, it's not because a person likes about looks then he is shallow.

It's what I like, I can't deny it and by saying it's not good or something. That is a common misconception. Already there are many people who choose their partner based on look. And another misconception is, people who are pretty are generally of bad character. That is bullshit, there are bilions of people in this world, how many of them are good looking and bad looking? there are people who are good looking and of good character, and there is a saying "appearance sprouts from your heart". I'm not saying that I agreed with that judging people like that, but what I'm saying is everyone is different.

Another good point I would like to raise is, good looking people are contented with themselves, therefore grown conceited and have bad character in general. That's a very good point, but it doesn't apply to everyone. Still there are many many many good looking people with good character. Have you ever seen a violent criminal with good looking and handsome face? again, everything is not what the general community thinks. It's what you encounter and what you received and then perceive.

For me, there are certainly people with good looks and good character. Why choose to give up one side but have another? I can't stand people with bad character as well, it will only bring shame to myself. SO, you can have both. Have both in balance. A person who is good character must at least good looking, a person who is good looking must have at least good character. Again, it's completely a personal choice, I'm not urging anyone to follow me.

A simple song

2009-10-31T22:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I last published a song here.
Finally I got a new songs already, they are just simple songs.

Here's the songs:

最后 and 感觉来了

I wrote the second song after I had a 2 hours talk with somebody. Looks like my source of inspiration is back! yosh! The first song I finished like 2 months ago? but I didn't publish it.

Overall, they sound crappy, to regain my inspiration is not an easy process. And they are just a draft music, I used like 1 hour the most to compose it. Look at the time I took to write them! don't critise me, just imagine how the music would be. Anyway geocities closed already, that means all my old songs are now unable to be downloaded. I'm lazy to upload all of them too, I will take some time to do it.

The 2009 music are quite few also, I'll have to write a lot of music to fill it up before 2010. I can complete one song in one day (1-2 hours), provided I'm not fatigued.

PS: Somebody has certainly responded. Let it be the end of it.

Ok, back to study.

画沙

2009-10-30T01:20:00.000-07:00

My sis said this song is from Jay Chou, she asked me to listen yesterday night. At first I thought, is this really from Jay Chou? it sounds a bit like his style, but not really that good. I can tell, I listen to Jay song more than any song in my life. There's lack an element of satisfaction and high, Jay's song would give that. Anyway the opening is pretty much like Jay style, the beat also.

So it isn't from Jay, he is not the composer. 袁咏琳 is the composer, I think she pretty good, but not that good as Jay.

MAID!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

I don't want to say much about my home's maid. She is a good indomaid, hardworking and kind-hearted. That's all. But I want to say a lot about this maid, Minka Lee! I know quite a lot about her, but I don't have time to tell story now, I got exam! Damn, I'm writing this post just to kill or suppress the urge of telling tale about her.

My friend said watching her dance is like a waste of time, but I don't think so, I watch her dance like everyday, I almost watch finsihed all her videos. It's all pretty recent, like just a few months ago.

Watch this one! Got school girl somemore, Faint Lah~~~!!!

I siao maid like so much, first dress I gonna buy for my gf is definitely a maid dress, wahahahaha (but I dont have gf = =). Anyway, this is not a recent picture, it was taken 1-2 month ago. I got shorter hair and look better I guess , lol!

I love it!!

2009-10-25T06:59:00.000-07:00

These are certainly a mind controling tool, it looks sily and childish but for some weird reason I watched it and I like it!

Acceptable only.

This is the best one, better than the first one a lot a lot.

This one is different song already, it's quite good.

Shit I'm really becoming a real Otaku already. Wish I got gf like the one in the second video. My friends should know I really like girl in mini skirt, no doubt. Back to study~ exam~~~

Perfume disco

2009-10-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

As a 宅男, I must like perfume, no choice.

Perfume is a raising band from Japan, they sing techno music. Not pure techno, because I know techno ain't cute. This one is cute, it is so mesmerising. Watching 3 girls dancing cutely, is surely my thing. I prefer the dancing like this than erotic dance, It looks innocence and seems to have "good future". I mean, the sense of stability.... hard to explain.

Anyway, my friend sure WTF me if they know that. Ok, here's my point, perfume is the only band that is girly in my iPod. They don't make them dance cutely just for girl, guy would be attracted as well. Cute girl attracts guy, and guy likes cute girl,but guy would never practice cuteness, it's totally shit, and I hate that shit.

Here's the theory, Girl create cuteness, Guy would want to destory and own cuteness. You get what I mean? like I always have the urge to rip off somebody sock, 蕾丝 one, I always do. A lot of girl wear like that here.

Here's their MV, watch this first. Later is the imitations of this dance!

I don't know why they cover their face with mask, weird.

These otaku are pretty good, worth a watch. Looks dumb but it's good.

You have to admit, perfume dance is very popular at Japan. They even dance it in front of Mac Donald

They are more guys imitating perfume, seriously. This one is really funny, they farking cincai do only, got hip hop at the middle.

The News

2009-10-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.therocknews.com/dama/local/9551.html

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/40828-dr-m-tells-malays-to-reject-borderless-world-

Read this shit, to gain a better insight.

There are differences in news agencies reporting news. The first one is rather microscopic, the second one is the whole story. Truly, severing the dull and tedious part of the story while keeping the interesting part is good to read. These are entertainmentwise. But fuk ya, I read that shit and I felt enjoyed, but it was not intellectual. You don't know in what context M was saying about that.

There's one thing I would like to contradict about M's perspective, he said “We have to admit the Malays in Malaysia are quite weak. Because of that, it is important to have a government that can protect the Malays”. I wonder whether he is a dumbass or something, he wants a country that babysits his own race, rather than fosters his race or give them a punch on the face so they can stand up like a man with balls. That's what he wants, and so be it. The Malay will only get weaker or stay weak with such thinking, there's no chance for improvement if they keep on stretching their hand for something, depending on government's policies to wipe and cover their asses, rather than work for it. Yea change their diapers.

The old light

2009-10-18T06:01:00.000-07:00

It was 4 years ago, that time I was form 5.

The days were glory, I had a status that allowed me to go anywhere at my school. I exploited that privilege, with good reason. I often skipped class or disappeared during recess, there was only one place that I would go, it was the hall.

The hall was boring, huge, and empty. Warm lights shone in that hall through the high window, the doors were locked, shades at the floor, and it was dim actually, but rather bright at the top. I stepped in that hall, I switched on that switch, plugged in that cord. And I played.

It all suits well, I was thinking. I was playing chopin, and the warmth of light enlivened me, and the piano. It was all that I needed.

I often sneaked in part of building with my friend, playing piano. I even taught him how to play, and he played before the girl of whom he liked. I wondered why, it was I who possessed the skills and privilege, but I never did what he do, instead I had given him the opportunity to confess to girl, while I was still playing in the dark and dim places alone mostly.

Same thing happened at Taylor College, I sneaked in that empty hall, it was more grand than my high school one, but it had no sunlight.

I have lost my source of inspiration, I didn't talk to a girl for so long already. I have to confess my source of inspiration is the relationship I have with someone. Once I have that relationship, that inspiration is endless. I cant write any song now. Seriously, I cant. There's just nothing for me to write already.

I have stopped talking to someone I always talked to, and as a result, lost my inspiration. I just wish I could go back to my old school, at that old piano and light, and play this piece of chopin, I might gain another perspective of music, and myself. That old light that shone at that hall, I miss that moment.

Cake!

2009-10-16T05:12:00.000-07:00

Thanks Miss Marple~ ˋ( ° ▽、° ) !

The cakes taste very good! It's been long time since I have cake on my birthday, so I finished them all quickly. I was about to shower after gym just now, luckily I rested a while and you called.

I was cooling down in front of my laptop half-naked, never expected to get a cake at all. Thanks again!

B day~

2009-10-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

Today, is my birthday.

It's not important, I dont remember when is the last time I celebrated my birthday, really. I have to mention about my birthday because it's funny, not because someone has celebrated birthday with me, but because I got a lot of people chatting with me at msn, only two of them know it's my birthday. That not including my best friend and my own sister. That's disapointing a bit.

It's maybe because I never care about birthday, I don't even remember anyone's birthday at all. I'll only know it's someone's birthday through facebook. And I'll only know my sisters and parents' birthday when my sis tell me or when they plan to celebrate.

I'm 21 already today, the times that I celebrated my birthday, I think, doesn't even over 4 times. Might be less. I have not much memory of celebrating my own birthday, but got hell lot of memories celebrating my parents, my sisters' birthday.

It's because, I never want a birthday celebration, I dont know why. However, I do wish my gf will celebrate it with me, to experience it in a different way.

The funny thing is my sister, she always knows my birthday every year, and she would say happy birthday to me. But this time, it just happened that, she talked to me for so long and we had a long conversation, she didn't say it to me. First time it happens, because there were many times that I forgot my own birthday, and it was she who said happy birthday and reminded me every year.

However, it doesn't matter, it's just funny when we can talk for so long and she knows nothing.

I have been busy studying this lately, I don't have time to update my blog. Exam is just around the corner, I have no time to slack anymore. If you seeing that picture, I'm doing a Kuso effect, like this music.

I start to wonder, whether it's me who is cutting the connection with everyone around me? I don't have the initiative to find people and talk to them, unless they are girl who I'm interested and wanted to chase. Even my best friend, I seldomly talk to him like chit-chat for fun, unless I got something important to tell him or something to show him or ask him. I'm always reading article and watching video, should pay more attention to friend, more. I bold it because I just didn't do that often, doesn't mean I didn't do at all.

It's important to establish a large friend network for you to get more opportunities and chances when you start entering the society and work. I know that. But this is not necessary true, a lot of great people didn't have a lot of friend when they were young, they were not socially active but they are very capable and competent, they are smart and know how to plan. And they are the one who people want to rely to. I guess they made a few valuable friends, and that is enough already.

Those kinda large network of friend is only necessary for those who cant do the work themselves, and have to rely on people, because they are not competent. However, don't ever preclude the benefits from it, you can still establish a large network of friend, even you are capable of doing things yourself. For me, I think we need a true and faithful friend, that will help each other during hardship or when you are in a predicament. You must know as much people as you can, but you don't have to waste time socialise with every single one of them, and not focus on any. Focus on a few capable and faithful friend, offer true friendship and good personality to them. That is the proper way.

I know a lot of people, I can go out and hang out with anyone, can call out a lot of friend who I'm not familar with and hang out with them, but I dont have to do it deliberately for the purpose of getting more friend for my future chance and opportunity, that just hypocrisy. If you bear that intention in mind when you making friends, you are not being genuine, you are just waiting to derive benefits from them. So I only call them out for enjoyment and pure socialisation. A help from friend is important, but it's earned by real friendship or sincerity.

Constantly make friends, the more the better. Do it without any vested interest, be flexible, and be compatible. Still, hold on your own value, judge friend occasionally to see whether they are worth to be your friend or not, Because if you made a wrong friend it will prevent you from moving forward and achieving success, if you made a right friend, they will wont prevent or hinder you from success, sometimes they will help you too. You can be friend with any person in the society no matter what job he does, as long he is faithful, truthful, no malice intention, and has a pure heart.

So I proposed here, establish a network of friends, It doesn't have to be very large, but it needs to have quality. You think yourself, if you have been making friend who only laugh when you are good, run away when you are in predicament, then you are just establishing a large network of friends, with no quality in it.

Damn funny

2009-10-13T07:23:00.000-07:00

Ok seriously, I want a bear as my pet after watching this video. I know I'm being unrealistic, but I really want a 熊 ok? his reaction is damn funny! I got a dog looks like bear, but it's not that funny also, it just looks dumb... like 苯苯 = =

The theory of relativity

2009-10-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

I am fascinated with Einstein's theory, really, even though my discipline is not about science.

I excel at all science subjects before and during my pre-u, until now my memory of the science facts and theories are still vivid, I can even discuss with my friend about them. I have been really busy lately, I don't have time to update my blog. But this freaking thoery has been loitering in my mind for 1 week ever since I watched the E=mc2 movie, that movie explains everything about the theory that Einstein proposed, also it's about a documentary about his life and the history of the development of science theories.

The theory of relativity:
It goes roughly like this, I'm not pro, don't expect me to be completely accurated. I make it simple for you to understand. It's said that when two objects travel at a certain same speed, they will see each other generally static and not moving away. But the third party in this case would see differently. A third object would see that two objects are moving away from him. The first object are relatively at the same speed as the second object, but not the third object.

It was proposed by Maxwell, the speed of light will always be constant, even when you are traveling at a speed of light you will still see the light are moving away from you with the speed of light itself. So if you are traveling at a speed of light, you are not aligned with the light and therefore everything turns dark or invisible because the light cant reach your eyes when you are traveling at its speed.

Is that so? I don't really know that point, Maxwell could be right. But Einstein proposed that time will slow down when you are traveling at a very high speed. That's a the crux of the theory of relativity. The time that we are enjoying now is actuall the pace of the light itself, 1 second is actually the time for the photon of light to complete one wave length, or 2 displacements. If we are traveling at the speed of light, the road for the photo will increased or elongated, therefore longer wave length, and therefore 1 second is longer, hence time will slow down. ( I learned this from another science documentary) The Einstein suggested that we are relatively moving by reference to the pace of a light. This theory is absolutely true.

It's more than what I said ok, it's a big theory, I tried my best to grasp the whole thing, but so far I came out with this simple explaination.

What I'm thinking is the photo of light is traveling at one direction, that is forward. We can slow time in the sense that we are jumping over it, instead of living it. But how can we travel back to time? It seems that it's impossible for us to travel back to time, quite impossible. It's like a pizza, you can take out 2 slices, and join the rest to form a circle, but not adding 2 slices and form a circle because where you gonna get that extra 2 slices?

The fact that we are living at a pace which referencing the pace of light, fascinates me a lot. I mean who set all the rules? Why we must follow that pace? I can only awe and expect something great about these laws of nature will bring us. All these knowledges are used to feed my imagination, that's why I like to watch science or history documentary, like astro I sure watch 551-555 channels, got discovery channel, history channel, national geographic, Science channel, just I dont watch TVIQ, because it sucks!

And I assumed that nobody will read this article, because it's boring. It's just that I like to imagine and I imagine things a lot, that's why I write this post. Exam is nearing, I don't really have time to bother things which is not my interest, so I'm sorry that I refused to help my friend, it's just that I will feel damn stress if I help them, I rather write blog which is my interest and not stressful.

My friend, please bare with me for 1 months until my exam is over, then I will make over my blog and make it interesting. I know it's been quite down this lately. I have whole bunch of thing running in my head right now that I wish to write about, but all have to wait until the exam is finished.

Does god exist?

2009-10-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

Interesting...

The dream

2009-10-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

Friend, I saw you are happy, I'm glad.

I heard that you cant pursuit your own dream, but I see you are trying to live the best out of you, you are always smiling. I know that your ambition is to become a doctor, but you can only be something that fall short of it. I know how it's like for you, because I know you since we were at high school.

Sometimes in life we cant get everything we want, sometimes we do but we let go of it, unappreciated.

Dont worry my friend, I'll complete my dream for you, at least you would know your friend does complete his dream.

I will be a great individual, I know, because I shed tears for your ambition. Your dream, it's like a child wanting for a mother's warmth, and that desire is greater than any desire...

Avoiding fate

2009-10-07T23:43:00.000-07:00

The weirdness continues, I starting to wonder what's going on.

I bumped into 4 girls today, and two of them twice. It's day 4 already and it hasn't stop yet. I just want to talk about 1 girl particularly, she stood there and waited for me, and she looked at me and smile. I didn't know what to do and how to react, I just walked away without saying anything.

It's been so as I'm meeting girls that I know and have connection with, one by one all. Why is this happening? Can someone explain this to me? My uni is the largest of all Australia uni, and for almost 2 years I'm here I hardly bumped into anybody that I know by accident, but since 3 days ago, I bumped into around 12 girls and I know all of them.

There's just one person that I haven't bump into.

I'm avoiding fate, I supposed to meet her today. But I knew what fate was going to do, I asked my friend who else is going to follow her to library, and she said Catherine. The chances of that happening is rare, so it's fate that I be eventually meeting her. But I rejected that fate, I declined that engagement, and said I'm going home for study.

Fate hasn't stop it's effort of getting us together, I went home and found that I lost my thing at the lecture hall, it forced me to get back and find it. I did so, I just came back from the uni, I ran back and forth to retrieve my item before Catherine class is over. Her class will end in 20 minutes time, if I walk slowly I might bumped into her today. But I was avoiding fate...

This is extremely weird, will I meet more girls accidently again by tomorrow? I really need somebody to tell me what's going on. This is serious, it's been so weird already, like I can meet one person two or three times per day.

Fate

2009-10-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

It was weird, everything was.

It all started two days ago. There are two cute Aussie living at my floor, I see them like quite often, but I never see them walk out of the bathroom wrapped in towel, as seen on the movie, because we share the same toilet. We have different bathing time, and their room is quite near to the toilet, only takes like 2-3 seconds walk, so the chance of seeing them walk out of bathroom with towel wrapped is rare.

Two days ago, at night, I bumped into one of the aussie girl at the toilet door, I was half-naked, she was wrapped in towel. We made way for ourselves, she said sorry for blocking me, but I was blushing and couldn't say anything because she was too near to me. I thought I was lucky, because for 9 months I have been living here, the occasion of seeing her walk out of room is like less than 15 times, not to mention seeing her wrapped in towel from bathroom. At that same night, I was out again for toilet, I saw her brushing teeth at the toilet, staring at me with that unsatisfying look, like I owe her money or something. I was a bit blurred on that time, I stared back at her but wouldn't dare to stay long, I didn't understand what was going on there. I washed my face and headed back to my room.

Another occassion happened on yesterday, I bumped into a girl who I first met during my first year. She is the most beautiful asian girl in my course, I know her, we once sat together on a bus to city. she is elegance, the most superior and high quality form of beauty. Since first year, we have stopped talking to each other, there is hardly a chance for us to talk back now. At first I didn't notice her walking towards my direction, but because she was staring at me that it quickly drew my attention. She got a nice eyes, but I didn't understand why she was staring at me for so long as she was demanding me to look back.

Back to the hall, I saw my classmate, she is from Hong Kong. It happened when I went out for toilet I saw her passing through my floor, going to Uni to attend our class. I told her I was skipping class because I was too tired, she smiled at me and went off.

Today, at this morning, I bumped into another aussie girl which I haven't, she was wrapped in towel, and I was half-naked. I came out of toilet and she was just going in. At that moment, I was thinking, "why am I seeing everyone these days? Are my luck is going to end or continue?" I thought 4 cases in two days should be the end of it, but it isn't. I saw her again the same aussie girl when I came out from my room for the second time. So I saw two of the aussie girl, each in two times and each on one day.

That's weird, I said to myself.

But the weirdness hasn't end yet. I ran into another girl again, who I had played basketball with, I know her name but we never actually talk, because I never contact her after that. She is very pretty, I would chase her if I got her number. Shortly after a few second, I bumped into another girl who had interrupted me for many times when I was playing piano at the music room, she always knocked the door, I went out only seeing her smiling at me, but that ended when I SLAMMED the door because I got pissed by interruption. She is the one who stares at me the most, and that creeps me a little bit. Again shortly after a few second when I was walking, I bumped into another girl who I always go to the library with, she was eating while walking. I always think she is very cute like mashimaro, but not really my type because she is too weak, I don't like girl who is too weak.

After all the encountering, I thought it should ends already, but it hasn't.

Later evening, I was at the Dinning Hall getting my dinner, then came a girl who was trying to know me but I didn't show any interest. She jumped in front of my line staring at me, then looking at the food. I said "hi" to her but nothing more.

That's what happened today. When I think of it it starts to freak me out, why am I meeting all girls who have a connection with me in just three days continuously? Is this fate calling me to reflect on all the girl that I have known? What will this reflection brings me? What meaning it conveys? If so there is one girl who I have a connection with but I still haven't meet yet, will it happens tomorrow or what? or it already ends?

If fate is leading me, I wish I would be led to meeting her. If we are supposed to end, then I do wish to know.

switch off your hp!

2009-10-06T04:51:00.000-07:00

haha, damn funny this clips, I watched it like 8 times already.

Densha otoku

2009-10-05T05:28:00.000-07:00

I have watched Densha Otoku, it is nice!

It's a 4 years old movie, but I had no chance to watch it. Today I finally got it and watched it, it's a great movie!!!

I think a lot of people know the story, I don't want to tell it here, you can watch it yourself. I can send you guys a CD soft copy of it if you want, only for my close friends, because I think it's hard to find that movie already, I mean pirated one.

In short, it's a movie with a lot of excitements and surprising elements, and it's very touching, with a lot of emotion going through and you might cry (seriously). It will be very satisfying to watch it, I'm sure of that. Maybe because I'm otaku or what, for normal people they might just say there's nothing exciting about it.

This was taken days ago. I'm now starting to wear headband already.

Out of topic.

I find it hard to talk freely to someone who has a big ego, and not willing to concede. As for now, I afraid I might be offending her for writing it down here, she might disagree with what I'm saying, I can almost foresee that. But seriously my intention is good, I remember she claimed that her english is good, so I thought I might be able to learn something from her. I have been watching American Tv Series this lately, and I was confused by their english, their english is a bit different than ours definitely, and I had a doubt about a small thing.
I thought I asked her about is or was, in the context of just completing an action for today, and that was it. She contested about the other things like have and at instead of giving me the answer to my question. So I took my time to understand her grammar, even though it wasn't about my question. She seemed pretty upset when I tried to correct her, I was traumatized again, thought I was helping but in fact making somebody unhappy. She droppped out of the conversation instantly, saying that it wasn't important as long the reader can understand what we were saying, and calling me pro grammar. I sweated, but held on to my emotion.

I learnt a lesson today, I guess we should not pick out somebody's error and try to correct them if possible, it's about somebody's capability and I guess that will import the feeling of being underestimated and they don't like it. But that's entirely wrong, learning is humble, it always has, we all learn from zero. I'm just expressing my true feeling, if she hates me after reading this, I don't think she is the friend that I want to have, because I'm already humbling myself, asking her a grammar problem, and she expressed view that my sentence is wrong but in fact it's right. Those sentences were not written by me, I copied it from an article.

I have to talk about this not because it's a big matter, nor because it's trivial then I should not talk about it. That kind of saying is not honourable, because I treat her as a friend not stranger that I wouldn't care. But sometimes we should let them be, instead of correcting them that may often them. And therefore, I was wrong, and sorry.

I have a friend who is lousy on english, I always correct him with fun, but this was no fun, and I was traumatized and scared. I'm truly sorry if offended her but I will not change my principle about learning and attitude, that's I have no problem to be stupid and wrong rather than being smart all the time, and it's fun and you learn something while being taught by people. I can ask a dumber grammar question if I really need to, because I'm perfecting my grammar and it's an important part of learning. I just wonder why we cant realise to our own error, rectifies it, without being upset and have fun in that process.

In fact, her response was not really what I expected, I was shocked, afraid of offending her further, why would I have this feeling?! If for me, I would ask further questions if I really don't know or not sure. Ok then, I have said what I want to say.

Back.

I wish I can meet somebody like densha otoku did, actually he was quite lucky for a start. Otaku have no market today, not in Malaysia, that's why I'm developing another character, that is 型男, by going gym every week and jogging at night. Gym is to increase the muscle size, jogging is to trim up the muscle for cutting. That character is still on building, but I will not forsake my Otaku identity! 宅男万岁!!! 民，支持一下 T.T~~~

Mooncake

2009-10-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

CB, I didn't eat mooncake for 2 years already. Tomorrow I'm going to buy it. It cost like $25 bucks for 4 mooncake here, that means RM75 for 4 mooncake, how expensive!

I just saw my ex-gf picture, she looked horrible, just like a 20 years old girl wearing a 30 years old cloth and make up. WTF is this? I'm not saying my ex bad thing because we broke up like 3 years ago, there's no significance of saying that. But I'm asking why girls always depart from their own age fashion, and adopt the 30 years old girl fashion? for example they like to wear attire with a lot of cloths, a little bit like the western fashion, which looks mature and class but not exactly right for their age.

I know it looks nice, but if you wear it now at age 20, what you gonna wear at age 30? still the same? that means you wont have any change at all.

Anyway, I was shocked by my ex-gf, I almost jump up my chair. But there was one thing which is even worst and made me fell down from my chair. A lady... no ... a female came out from no where have made a comment about my facebook status. (I wrote I was shocked by my ex-gf changes) She said my ex must be very UGLY because SHE NEVER NOURISHES HER SKIN. I was like WTF?? I saw her picture she probably weighs like 200 kg.

I replied "maybe maybe... she was very pretty one." And then it came something which is even more terror than terrorist itself, it's like communist and civil right combined, she PM me at facebook. I replied in a very normal way like saying "hi", "ya, im good", I was being nice to her, in that process, I was getting the chill through out my body when she was asking me more questions.

She repeated to me that my ex is ugly, and she said one more thing, which I laughed until I would go crazy... "I'm more pretty leh". OMG... I was silent for 3 seconds, tickled. And then I laughed again hysterically! oh man this is funny, I wonder where she get her confidence from. I could turn crazy if I get another one of this. First she said my ex ugly, then said she is pretty. Anyway, thanks to her I could really have a big laugh yesterday.

Daylight saving has already commenced, robbed 1 hour again. Now the time difference between Malaysia and Australia is 3 hours, if I sleep at 2 a.m, that means at Malaysia only 11 p.m. The 2 hours difference would be better, because I can stay up until not so late and still able to chat with the night owls from Malaysia.

这样最好

2009-10-02T06:00:00.001-07:00

看这个吧，这样最好。

It does convey a very good meaning.

The bus

2009-10-02T05:20:00.000-07:00

I took this 2 days ago, dragged between posts and now I finally decide to publish it here. It doesnt look that good.

I went for a bus ride with my friend, we were going for night movie, unfortunately the movie ticket had been sold out, so we went back again with bus. I turned out to be very dizzy after that bus ride, I almost puke when I reached the bus loop, I told my friend I was just hanging on because I don't wanna puke in front of her.

I always feel dizzy in bus, I not sure why but I think it got something to do with the driver, they hit the brake so often, I don't think I'm used to their driving.

When I drive, I don't use a lot of brake so that it's smooth and comfortable. I adjust the speed and maintain the distance correctly so I don't have to hit the brake so much. I hate people drive by hitting the brake hard, you would thrust yourself up when they do so.

I would drive smoothly when I want to. Ironicly, sometimes when I drive fast, people would feel dizzy and wanna puke. It's not because I hit the brake too hard, but it's because I always make a turn at 50-80 kmph speed. I recieved complaint that they felt like the car was floating when they rode on my car.

Seriously, I always got nausea after a bus ride. I might puke straight away if nobody was there.

Imagine

2009-09-30T05:28:00.000-07:00

I watched this for 5 times when the first time I watched it. The title of this clip is imagine, yes I did imagine, but not my wedding. I just imagined how fun is to have a gf.

This is a true wedding anyway, you can create your own cinematic wedding film at here too http://www.papercranes.com.au/. This price is reasonable, if they can produce this kinda quality film. I'm still young, no need to bother it now. But for those who is getting marry can consider their service, you have to be at Australia I think.

Out of topic*

I have updated my blogroll, I only keep those blogs I actually visit, I know everyone of them of course. I noticed that Ms marple has started to blog already, she already got two posts on her new blog, Welcome! hahaha. (Mistake, I just know that Ms marple had already stop blogging, that post dated 1 year ago @@) And Himeko too, it's so nice to have your blog, wahahaha~

Damn...... sometimes I really hate to hang out with someone I don't feel fun or don't feel right, but I pity them so I always sacrifice myself. Like just now, I don't really like to talk to her, but she keeps want to hang out with me, so torturing... ARRRH...I hate that shit...

Wow, my mood change so quickly from hyped up to pissed.

The ultimate theory is coming, I will write it soon. Be ready, cause I'm gonna smack all ya pretty ass hard.

Losing

2009-09-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

I have been traumatized this lately, dislike the feeling of losing.

But no choice, I guess I screwed up, because I asked her to move out with me. I didn't know that it's so matter to a girl to stay with a guy, I had stayed with a girls before at KL, it didn't seem to have any problem. Everybody is just doing their own thing, why it is so matter to a girl to stay with guy?

I asked her because she kept complaining about her current house, she said she wanted to move out to an apartment, coincidentally, I'm moving out too. I was stupid because I didn't see how it would be matter, I tried to convince her but overly did it. That's why I screwed, after this incident, I will never ask a girl to move out already.

She vaguely explained to me why a girl cannot stay with a guy, because they care how people would think of her, unless they are couple, if not, no discussion. So my understanding from her explaination is, they are concerned with their reputation, but how is that reputation matters at this age? (I mean this century, or this generation) I wouldn't think low of a person if she staying with a guy, if just two of them. As long they remain a clean and clear distance, there shouldn't be a problem. I assume she is right regardless of what I think, because I might not be completely understood yet, and I don't want to make another mistake.

I'm the only son in my family, I got 3 sisters. I'm used to tidiness and cleanliness. I remember when I was at kl, I once entered a guy only house, it was so damn messy, there were rubbish and dusty everywhere, the frigde got mould, the furniture I couldn't even dare to touch it. My friend proposed me to move in with them, I rejected. I knew it would be fun to live with guys because I occasionally went to their place to play game, but I didn't want to stay there.

After that, I found a good place to stay, but with girls. I never socialised with them, but I enjoy the clean and quiet environment.

You wouldn't know what kinda home I have, My own house's floor is mopped and wiped everyday, Not even a single day my house is never mopped and wiped. The floor is clean until when I walk I can make friction sound with my feet, it's like u touch a clean plate with your finger, I can even use the floor as my mirror. Not exaggerated. My toilets are cleaned everyday too, my bed sheet is changed every month or weeks, everything in my house is cleaned. So what kinda environment I'm living in makes what kinda person I'm.

This was me 1 year ago, shit picture I know, I look like girl I know, but I just want to show you my Actual Room. You can see everything is clean, even the wall also, must wipe. I saw the horror of guy's environment, I couldn't withstand a bit at all. They never clean anything, their bed, their table... It's like shit, I don't like it at all.

This one better. Also 1 year ago, nice morning I recall. I was skinny, but not now. =)

SO, I would prefer to stay with girl, BUT, if that girl also that dirty I would refuse without hesitation. Farking shit I would live in a dirty environment.

I wish she would know the reason why I asked her to move out and stay with me, I think she thinks I'm a pervert or something. Nah, the last thing I want is to have any indecency with her, somemore, it's 100% that I will not talk so much with her if we live together, because I'm always busy with something, I don't like to talk so much at home unless she is my family and BECAUSE to live with people who is not your family, it's good to ignore each other sometimes and talk lesser, don't like everytime also must talk. Talk only when we come out for drink or dinner, where the mood permits.

Her response is really nice, she would send me a cute smile but today, she didn't talk to me, I'm afraid that I might be losing, to someone I don't know. Hope she reads my blog, but how? I don't give her my link also. But still, AS USUAL, I would put an insurance on me, I'm not so crazy or on to her yet, it's ok to lose her although it sucks big time in my view, the insurance will cover when I lose her, I will feel there's nothing important also. The insurance is another theory itself, I will find an opportunity to discuss it next time if can.

One last thing, I don't care how my picture is, it's better you see me in person than looking at my picture. Mickey, I have been formulating the Ultimate Theory in my head, still trying to perfect it, because the next Theory I going to defeat, is the hardest of all! Will be posted here when I'm ready.

Commerce graduation

2009-09-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

This is me 3 weeks ago, getting more and more recent liao my picture.

Today is the graduation day of Commerce student, I was again, hanging around at uni for study. Despite the fact that my campus is the largest in Australia, it was over crowded, cramped, hard to walk freely and get to a place.

Commerce student's graduation... it was the best!
Why? because it always has been, the most sight-worthy graduation of all faculties or disciplines. A lot a lot of leng lui dressed up nicely walking around everywhere, there were big eyes leng lui, cute leng lui, mature leng lui, any you can think of. They are either family or friends of the graduating student, who came from overseas to attend the graduation, if you saw Asian there are 92% probability she is an international student. The feeling was like Better than entering a beauty pageant contest as a guest, how to say... it was like each time you saw a beautiful girl, you get excited a bit, and before you actually calmed down or dissipated that feeling, you saw another beautiful girl again, it was like I kept being electrifed and really hyped up at that moment.

Hah, imagine how my graduation would be, sure very crappy, all westerners only! Sien... my course don't have many asian, mostly are locals. And I honestly think Chinese, Korean, or Japanese look better than westerner. So I'm not interest at them at all, I will lose appetite when think about their body, gosh they been eating Pizza, Mc Donald, Hamburger for life, what do you except? they are not like what you saw in TV. Only the guy look better, guy are handsome, but still if compares with us, I still prefer us! we got straight hair and balanced body, should be proud of it. And I think our look is more "tahan look" more than theirs.

The graduation day is again really an eyes opening experience, definitely Malaysia got a very limited choice. But I don't preclude the possibility that my country still got hidden gem somewhere. Now I think Hong Kong really got a lot of leng lui beside Taiwan, and of course china because it's vast. If you got watch 美女厨房 you sure know already.

Good night... I dont want to blog so late already next time.

losing confident

2009-09-23T08:35:00.000-07:00

Yea that's me, I was like WTF again. It was taken somewhere around 7 months ago. Again, I don't like the picture, just publish it for fun. I realised there are lots of picture of me haven't been published yet. Too lazy to bother.

Hope tomorrow I can see her again, she is like so high fashion sometimes I doubt I can keep up with her. Now I'm starting to care of what I should wear to go out because of her, if it wasn't her, I would wear very casual only.

Still think it's better not to think too much, just be myself.
Going to bed already, good night.

It's me

2009-09-22T07:53:00.001-07:00

That's me one year ago. Look so geli I just know. I was like WTF, this is me ar?

I know I'm contradicting myself sometimes, I said I don't need girl, but I'm doing the contrary right now.

Don't need girl doesn't mean I have to let my opportunity slip away, she has been giving me a lot of chances, and I do appreciate it. I genuinely meant it when I said I don't want to think about having a relationship right now, it took me about 3 weeks for me to get her number because I wasn't intended to do so. I only need to ask and I know she would give me. She just keeps on appearing in front of me, what can I do? It would be awkward if we continue to meet but never have the number of each other, it's like we are still not a formal friend yet. So I asked yesterday, after I asked, she took my phone and typed in her number and miscalled her phone instantly, how you interpret that? eagerness? or nervousness? I don't know exactly.

Sometimes it's vague and it's good in one perspective, because dream is always that vague before it came true.

I continue to meet her almost everyday, she talks with me a lot, we can talk about anything, and she always has the smile on her face. I do not hope much, I just hope we can continue like this everyday, talking and just talking happily.

At the moment, as long we maintain this kinda relationship, I'm content. Sometimes I just lose the ability to talk properly when I was with her, but she just didn't mind. She is just a simple girl, she is hardworking and have a great culinary skills, nah shouldn't say that, should say she cooks very well.

I lack one thing in my entire life, the stability of my mind. That is when you got a lot of ideas and thoughts and you cant seem to let it out or carry it out, it's torturing. Somebody like her would balance me out, I can put my ideas and thoughts on her, and she will be as simple as 1+1 =2, that is all I want.

Energy drinks

2009-09-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

There's an energry drink which always freighten me, behold The Mother.

It's so scary even the font used for mother is so emo. It says twice the energy hit, I wonder if you drink it how would you be? no need to sleep for 48 hours. Despite how scary it's, it is sold everywhere in my uni, you can find Mother anywhere literally. I cant imagine anyone would buy Mother and drink it... sure ki siao after a can of mother.

I ran out of the library still hunted by the horror of The Mother, walked for a distance to search for the friendly neighbour drinks: redbull.

Doesn't look that scary as mother, the caffeine level is acceptable. But you wont find Redbull at anywhere as Mother, I wonder why. Redbull definitely my choice, but I don't drink energy drink that frequent, I had to have it because I couldn't focus on reading because of mild fatigue, and I didn't want to waste my time hanging around there for nothing.

If Mother is so successfully sold in Australia, Next time I will invent a new drink called The Terror, I will use very creppy font and put a picture depicting a student after drinking The Terror, can study whole night without a sleep at all, and got creppy fatigued panda eyes while still able to continue regardlessly.

Out of topic:
I successfuly gotten her number, nice, super leng lui wor, I think I don't need《放心追，宅男也能把到正妹》this book afterall. =)